Ah, it's pointless to pretend any longer.
I want to vomit out the ugly words I keep shoving back down my throat.
"Don't you see?" I want to yell, until I can't speak, until I can't breathe.
But isn't it my fault, for hiding them from the outside light of day?
Isn't it my fault for putting on this mask and forgetting how to take it off?
The shadow looming behind me, I can feel it claw away at my flesh.
Should I feel pain? Should I be crying? Should I be reacting more?
In this empty void, it's just me, myself and I, surrounded by eternal numbness.
How long has it been since I let someone in? Have I ever opened the gates?
That gaze of yours reaches beyond the walls of my heart, into nothingness.
What else do you see? What else do you know? What else will you do to me?
Such a pathetic facade I've built over these years, turning out to be all in vain.
Are there hidden strings above me? Is the puppeteer the dark, you, or myself?
Those words you speak, of simple truth, tearing down the bricks one by one.
Am I still unknowing? Am I still in the dark? Am I still a pawn in your game?
I'm tired of this confusing mess called my "emotions," I'm tired of it all.
Do you see the hopelessness I carry, then? Did you know from the beginning?
Ah, there goes my pretense, torn to shreds.
I want to cry, almost; but I haven't, not since that day, not since—
"Guilt," "fear," "loneliness," "longing," these feelings you name to me, so alien.
How long ago did I give up on the contradictions I can't get out of my heart?
Ah, but haven't I given up on everything already?
A matter of time—The Author
--l1t3r4ryn0ns3ns3, 26/12/2024
Theme : Self